Searching for Love for a Healthier and Happier Heart

qualities of a good life partner
Love for a Healthier and Happier Heart

In a survey carried out on 1,025 American adults from Opinion Research Corp. of Princeton, New Jersey,

35% said they have dated a “jerk.”

33% have dated a “creep.”

18% have even dated a “witch.”

55% have dated someone who lied to them.

49% have had their heart broken in a dating situation.

36% have been harmed emotionally by someone they dated.

25% have been harmed financially by someone they dated.

10% have been physically harmed by someone they dated.

How It Feels When Your Heart is Broken

Aren’t these results sad and appalling?  It is a common occurrence nowadays to experience dates from hell, to be stuck with the wrong people, and to get heartbroken several times, multiple times, many times.

How many times have you encountered a friend who comes running to you, weeping her heart out because of some jerk who broke her heart not just once, not just twice but as the Queen of Pop, Madonna, says, “Again and again, over and over.”?  Several times?  Multiple times?  Many times?

How many times have you gone out with a person who turned out to be a character out of Addams Family?  A Morticia in the flesh?!  A true to life Wednesday?!  A real-life Gomez?!  And yet again, we keep going out with Mr. Wrong or Ms. Right.  Several times?!  Multiple times?!  Many times?!  A lot also get trapped and manage to marry one, after several failed marriages with a monster, with the wrong man or with the incorrect woman. Isn’t that a horrifying thought and situation to be in?  Que horror!  Que barbaridad!

Research shows that we usually know that a person is Mr. Wrong or Ms. Right immediately after the first date or at most the second.  Or maybe the third.  We aren’t that naïve.  We can sense it, smell it, and feel it.  After all, we are already in our 50s and 60s, better and finer versions of ourselves.  Just assuming.  Just guessing.  Just believing.

We have learned from the past.  Hopefully. 
We are now more sensitive. Probably.
We are now smarter and wiser.  Presumably.

Why We Choose Wrong Partner?

But sometimes, we still make mistakes.  BIG MISTAKES.  We still go on dating that person, allowing ourselves to be in a miserable relationship, giving our whole heart, mind, and soul to the ONE, knowing very well that it will be crushed into the tiniest pieces later. 

That hurts!  Painful!  Excruciating!  Ouch!

You should know that you should have never loved this way again.  But you still did, and you will still do.  Stubborn. Hard-headed.  Persistent.  But that’s love.  And it feels good!

So how do we avoid falling into this trap again?

How do we defend ourselves from dreadful partners at this age? 

How do we protect our vulnerable hearts and precious tears from getting wasted on someone not worth it, again and again?
How do we get that one person, that person who takes our breath away, makes our life look and feel like a rainbow, makes us dance in the rain in sheer happiness, and engulfs us with so much love, that we forget the dirt bags that had to leave a mark in our life?

The easiest way is to know what exactly you are looking for in a partner.  And you are never too old, it is never too late to look for one, the ONE.  To think of what makes you truly happy because a happy heart helps make a healthier body and more meaningful life!  We almost always have an idea of who we want to be with, our ideal man or woman, our standard of a good, amazing, enriching, and nurturing partner.  He does not have to be a Casanova.  She does not have to be another Cleopatra.

Now, try to make a mental list of the qualities of a good life partner you want, and when you encounter people who do not match any of the signs in your mental list, then there should be an alarm ringing off in your head very loudly and clearly that the person is Mr. Wrong or Ms. Wrong.  ALERT!  WARNING! 

Sounds easy?  Nah!  Think again!  Sometimes we get so excited on the prospect of scoring a date or just simply being with a guy or a girl on a lonely night that we conveniently forget our mental list.  Be stronger.  Be firmer.  Be smarter. 

Sometimes we suffer from a mental block and forget the so-called “list” upon meeting the person.  Don’t be fooled by his or her nice words!  Don’t fall for his tantalizing eyes or her pouty lips.  Don’t be deceived by his fake chivalry or her unauthentic refined manners.

Most of the time, we tend to doubt our character requirements and ourselves because we feel that we might be expecting too much from others. Or we are just really trying to make an excuse.  And what do we do?  We try to lower our standards, which should never be the case, compromise, and adjust ourselves, just for the sake of being in a relationship.  And for what reason?  This is just to avoid pestering comments and questions of “When are you moving on from your past and last relationship? 

But in most cases, a lot of single and seasoned adults simply fail to recognize Mr. or Ms. Wrong.  Others don’t really know what they want or what they are looking for, and would often take the “trial and error” path.  They are simply clueless.  And innocent.  And ignorant.  And again, it is fine to be clueless, innocent, and ignorant, even at an old age.

08 Qualities of a Good Life Partner

Now, to help you avoid falling for and choosing the wrong lover, making the same mistakes again and again, the following are some signs that may help you to find Healthy partner in your life.  Time to open your eyes and become more critical.

qualities of a good life partner
08 Qualities of a Good Life Partner

1. Good hygiene– Very basic, very important. You would not want to date or be seen around with someone who dresses up sloppily, showers weekly to save the environment, and thinks that deodorants are car fresheners.  A person who knows how to carry himself, is neat and clean, is a positive reflection to his or her personality.

2. Attitude towards the less fortunate-, the marginalized, and the needy. This does not only pertain to the poor in the slum or victims of hurricanes, but basically to the people who serve you during your daily grind.  How your date treats the waiter at the restaurant, her assistant, the staff, and the guards and receptionists at the apartment, will give you a glimpse of the character of the person.  Respect towards the elderly, to women in general, not making racist or sexist jokes are significant signs to pay attention to.

3. A bum-  Your date has no jo and expects you to foot the bill, wants to be pampered all the time, has no direction or ambition in life, depends on his parents or you for financial support even at the age of 40, 50, or 60, or simply squanders all his or her money on the latest iPhone, Porsche, and Jordans?  Run for the mountains!

4.  Criminal Record–  Unless you have a thing for bad boys or mean girls, a person who can describe to you vividly the drawings on the walls of the state prison or delinquent center is someone you cannot introduce to your family and friends.  Do yourself a favor!  Check out the next guy or girl unless you want to be your criminal lover’s next victim.

5. Incompatibility-  As cliché as it sounds that opposite poles always attract, a Christian, with a Master’s degree going out with a Mormon who struggled in high school is a recipe for disaster.  It is almost bound to fail.  As much as it is healthy to be your own person in a relationship, it is also a requirement to get together as a couple and share enjoyable activities and hobbies.  A common ground in terms of values, passion, ideas, and thoughts is a necessity for a healthy relationship.

6. Emotional Baggage  A girl who cries at the sight of her ex’s favorite car or a guy who keeps raving about how sexy his ex was is someone you would not want to be with.  You will never be their number ONE.  Never!  Dream on!  Try to look for a person with no strings attached.  Do not be the rebound man or woman, you just might be too old to be ONE.

7. Insecurity.  Jealousy.  Possessiveness-  These may signal the possibility of an abusive relationship.  Being with a person who is not confident of himself or herself, constantly dwells in self-doubt, and is very insecure of everything without any sound basis can be quite suffocating and tough. These kinds of individuals depend on you for emotional support, can be very demanding, have high expectations, and tend to punish you for not being there for him or her.  You do not need someone to complete you.  You need someone to compliment you.

8. Love thyself–  Always.  A lot.  You are on a date. It has been two hours already.  You haven’t uttered a single word.  Common?  Nothing new?  True!  There are a lot of people out there who simply love themselves too much, you wonder if they have enough love in them to share with anyone.  More often than not, they don’t!  Be with a person who wants to know who you are and allows you to be who you are.  Be with the ONE who is sincerely interested in what you do.

For sure, there are more tips and pointers in identifying Mr. Right or Ms. Wrong.  It is time to come up with your own personalized list.

REMINDER: Be nice to yourself by not dating someone just for the sake of dating someone.  Patience is a virtue.

Do not be just another statistic.  You may now be in your 40s, 50s, or 60s.  But you are more than those numbers.  You are beyond those numbers.

For some love advice or mental health consultation, call TelevisitMD now!

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